By Mike Martin
I remember once I was working with a group of girls from a local middle-school leadership class and I had one of the most interesting experiences I have ever had as a facilitator.
We had just finished a teambuilding activity that required the group to move a little toy airplane around the center of a circle accomplishing set tasks along the way. This was a fairly common activity, one that I had facilitated about a thousand times before. Needless to say, I was confident I knew what to expect when it came down to the “what did you learn” part of the experience. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
We sat in a small circle on the grass and I could already see the eyes start to wander. Immediately I made up that the kids were bored, checked-out and would give me cookie-cutter answers to all of my questions. Fearing the worst, I began with a simple question expecting the same in a response: “What was going on for you in this activity?” if you are in to suspense, this is the part where the dramatic shift occurs. One girl politely raised her hand and said, and this is the honest truth, “that activity made me realize I need to be a better daughter to my mother.” Yes, my jaw dropped too. Why? Because there was absolutely nothing that happend in the activity that could warrant such a response, or so I thought.
Once the dam was broken, you can certainly guess what happened next. The rest of the girls began to go as deep as the first addressing their relationships and feeling comfortable enough to talk about things that really mattered. We call it “peeling back the layers of the onion.” Think of it…the first layer of an onion is fairly rough and doesn’t smell too terrible. As you begin to peel off layer after layer, and there are hundreds of them, you start working you way to the stinkiest part of the onion, and in this analogy, the stuff that matters. Typically groups work their way down, layer by layer over the course of a day or two, but this girl took us right to the core on the first question. I had never seen it happen like that before, and I have never seen it again.
The moral of the story is three part.
First, as a facilitator you really need to check your beliefs at the door. Leave them out in the parking lot. Lock them in the trunk of your car because kids will surprise you. Be there for the team you are working with and let the day unfold as it will. Not in a million years would I have guessed that from the experience I witnessed this group of girls would have such a valuable and meaningful conversation (full of tears and hugs of course). And from that question? But it can happen.
Second, be prepared to let the dialog and conversation unfold naturally. See, when I facilitated the activity I sheepishly admit I had an agenda. I thought that activity would really bring out issues of trust and teamwork, two of the things the leadership teacher wanted to work on for the day, and we could address those issues exclusively. Obviously things went a little askew of the plan. Had I said “that’s all well and good, but let’s get back on track here and talk about how that activity related to teamwork…” I would have severely damaged my rapport with the group, and taken them somewhere they had no intention of going. The group dictated the experience and I let that happen. This may take practice and patience, but you will learn when to let them go, and when to reel them back in.
Third, realize that the amount of risk someone is willing to take is proportionate to the amount of support and safety they get and feel. Think about that for a moment. The only reason the girl that shared first chose to take such a risk and talk about her relationship with her mother is that she felt safe and comfortable enough with the girls around her to put it on the table. Saying something llike that can leave a person in a very vulnerable position. Any team can only dream to have such openess without criticism.
When you work with your group, work on the relationships, safety and comfort level as much as possible. The more conencted your group feels, the deeper they will go and the more valuable the experience. In Scott’s last post, he mentioned that one of the 7 critical elements of a great teambuilding activity is safety. Here it is again. Nurture the safe environment, create a better conversation and watch the value grow exponetially.
Anyone out there have an experience like mine they would like to share? Have you ever been really surprised by a group or an individual? I would LOVE to hear about it. Just reply to this post. It’s that simple. Let’s see what other inspiring “a-ha” moments are out there!
Last 5 posts in Stories
- September Edutopia Articles - September 20th, 2006
- Is Teacher Training Chaotic? - September 19th, 2006
- What were they thinking? - September 12th, 2006